i turned on the tv this morning just as i woke up an started watching one of those channel 4 documentaries thta are shown in the morning. Anyway, it was about Ellen Noone. I knew she had cancer because I'd heard about it from other people. I got my phone out and rang Rachael to tell her to watch the tv but she'd already tried to ring me for the same reason. It was so sad. Just remembering how we were friends, used to go swimming and play & how she made me laugh. And now, she has hardly any hair because of the chemo and that she's about 20 and is going to die. The worst thing is is that we don't know her anymore, we don't know where she lives so even if we would like to make contact with her it would be awkward.
I think this has really hit home about things, how you can't really waste your life.
It's like, when Deborah had a go at me for messing things up in my first year just after Helen Garrod had died. Which reminds me how awful it was at the leavers' ball when Sally Pham drunkly came up to me and said that I reminded her of Helen.
I know I'm trying to not piss about these days but y'know, it's hard work.
I cut down drinking when I went out; in fact at David Seed's I had no alcoholic drink and it was quite good. My levels of subtlety were quite high, which is good. But then last night there was a Topshop party in Hardrock Café avec free bar... and I got drunk :(
but, i felt like an idiot because most people were in fancy dress and i looked like a fat goose, who blatantly didn't work in Topshop. And I guess it was good because I had the confidence to talk to people, one of whome I got a job recruitment number which is ace.
Bah. But that leaves me with the whole queries about drinking, because it's stupid to drink just to have some false confidence and I always over drink and make a tit of myself.
I think last night should be a one off because it was free drinks...
I also tried to give up smoking and went through a shift at work without going for a cig break but then i was desperate for one after, and gave in and bought some fags. i reckon i need to ween myself off those.
Why do I want to, willingly, increase the chance of cancer when people get it without having done anything. How is that fair? Why should that happen.